Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Well-Meaning Remarks...

Today I'm writing about something I find odd.  If I hadn't experienced it for myself I probably would never have given this matter a moment's thought, but I have and I have.

Since Simmi came to live with us, I've had countless people come up to me and tell me what a wonderful person I am to take her on.  I thought it would stop after we adopted her.  I thought that maybe it was our act of providing fostercare that made people think we were doing it for selfless reasons.  We weren't. 

The simple reality is that we wanted Simmi.  We love her in exactly the same way that we love our biological children.  Nobody came up to us and told us how wonderful we were to have them!  Nobody ever wondered aloud if our biological children knew how lucky and blessed they are to be a part of our family.  People actually say that to us - even some family members!  Why would anyone expect our daughter to be grateful for what we've done for her, when all we've done is exactly what we've done for our other 3 children?  Is it because she's black and living in a white home?  Does that give people the right to make comments like that?  Absolutely not!

So what do I do about it?  Most of the time I bite my tongue and "take it from whence it comes".  Every now and again David or I will reply with, "Why would you think that she's luckier than any of our other children?", and that usually shuts them up.  I have to wonder whether I would have been guilty of making those kinds of remarks if I hadn't adopted Simmi, but I really don't think that I would, and if anybody ever hears me doing that, you may feel free to give me a smack! 

2 comments:

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Elyse Ted said...

All children in loving homes are lucky, whether biological or foster. With foster kids, there's sometimes some additional work to understand the trauma they have experienced and prepare them for their future.
Here's some more info on this topic:
KidsPeace: http://www.kidspeace.org/services.aspx?id=190